Viva la Vida
by cre8ive.ovadose
Summary: When Sebastian returns to Dalton after a stint in a psych ward, he is enchanted by Nick, a new student. Drawn to each other from the start, Sebastian begins to wonder if maybe he's found his soulmate but his inability to let go of the past and the shocking news of Nick's true identity complicate the matter far beyond his imagining. Nickbastian.
1. Introduction

**INTRODUCTION**

This fic is a little confusing (to me at least) in that it is partially in the Second Chance verse and partially a new verse of its own. This is just a note to explain what's the same and what's different.

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**THINGS THAT ARE THE SAME**

- "Sebastian's Past" is still relevant to this verse, and most of "Second Chance".

- Sebastian still struggles with depression and self-harm.

- Sebastian still goes to Dalton.

- Sebastian is still relatively good friends with Blaine who he uses as a support in some cases.

- Sebastian's family are the same (Marcus, Annabelle and Chelsea Smythe).

- I'm still ignoring season 4 because I need Klaine to be together for reasons (actually relevant to the fic).

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**THINGS THAT ARE DIFFERENT**

- Sebastian has not met Nick prior to the events of this fic.

- Nick does not know any of the Warblers as he has been "absent" (spoilers, can't go into more depth here).

- Nick is not a member of the Warblers.

- The Warblers do not know about his struggles with self-harm and depression.

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If things need to be added to this list, I will add them. If I do, I'll mention it in A/Ns at the end or start of chapters :)

Enjoy!

-Frankie


	2. Chapter 1: Life In Technicolour

Title: Viva la Vida

Rating: M (for further chapters)

Characters: Sebastian Smythe, Nick Warbler, Jeff, Blaine Anderson

Summary: When Sebastian returns to Dalton after a stint in a psych ward, he is enchanted by Nick, a new student. Drawn to each other from the start, Sebastian begins to wonder if maybe he's found his soulmate but his inability to let go of the past and the shocking news of Nick's true identity complicate the matter far beyond his imagining. Nickbastian.

Warnings: None (a change for me).

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, places or the song titles used in this fic.

A/N: This fic was partially inspired by Supernatural and partially by Coldplay's album Viva la Vida and I will be using song titles for most (if not all) of the chapters. Enjoy :)

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**CHAPTER 1: LIFE IN TECHNICOLOUR**

Sebastian Smythe walked the halls of Dalton Academy in sullen silence. He was exhausted. Sectionals had drained him and teachers were hounding him for assignments. The Warblers were on his back for what to do next. He'd only just gotten back from the treatment centre his parents had sent him to at the start of the year and readjusting felt almost impossible. His phone was full of encouraging messages from Blaine and his call log consisted of his parents' phone numbers from attempts at getting them to pick him up from the hospital.

He wasn't very happy.

As Sebastian rounded the corner to the hallway where his next class was, he collided with an unfamiliar boy who had been headed in the opposite direction.

"Sorry, sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going," Sebastian said quickly as he leaned down to help the boy gather the books and papers he had dropped.

"Don't worry, no harm done," the boy answered, his voice quiet and calm. Sebastian swallowed before he looked up at the boy's face, feeling his jaw drop slightly as he took in the stranger's appearance.

Dark hair that fell like a mop on his head, hanging in the serene brown eyes that pooled beneath long lashes. His skin was ghostly pale in contrast but his soft smile lit up his face and Sebastian slowly straightened, swallowing again as nerves bundled in his chest.

"I'm Sebastian, Sebastian Smythe."

"Nick Duval, I'm new here," he replied as he reached out to shake Sebastian's hand. "Well, not really _new_, I've been here for a few weeks now. I've not seen you around though."

"I um, got sick, had to take a while off, got mono," Sebastian said quickly, hoping the lie wasn't revealed in his eyes. No one knew where he'd been, he'd begged his parents and Blaine not to tell anyone.

"Feeling better now though?"

"Marginally," Sebastian answered with a tentative laugh.

"I guess we should get to class," Nick said as he carefully stepped around Sebastian. "But I'll see ya later, Sebastian."

"Okay," Sebastian said, the word no louder than a whisper. He watched as Nick walked away, somehow unable to pull his gaze from the boy. He shook his head, calling himself stupid as he looked to the floor.

There was a strange shadow trailing Nick, like a pair of wings was sprouting from his back. Sebastian decided he needed more sleep as he turned and headed to his physics class.

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At the end of the day, Sebastian was still perplexed by his meeting with Nick. He'd disclaimed the idea that the shadow had been wings; it had to have been a simple trick of the light or something outside the windows that lined one side of Dalton's halls. He was on his way to the parking lot after Warblers practice with Jeff when a question sparked in his mind.

"Hey, what do you know about that new Nick Duval kid?"

Jeff shrugged and flicked his head to get the hair out of his eyes. "Not much, he doesn't really talk to anyone. He's in my biology class, seems pretty smart. He just kind of appeared out of nowhere."

"Is he a border?"

"No idea, I've never seen him come or go. He's just kind of there."

"Okay."

"I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah," Sebastian answered with a nod of his head, waving slightly as Jeff clambered into his car. There weren't many cars left in the lot and when Sebastian reached his own car, he was surprised to find another small car hidden behind it. He tried to slyly peek inside and was shocked to find Nick sitting inside with a textbook in his lap and a notepad leaning against the steering wheel.

Just as Sebastian reached out to tap against the window, Nick looked up with a smile and rolled down the window.

"Hey Sebastian! How was your afternoon?" he asked brightly.

"It was fine… Why are you still sitting out here? You could have studied in the library or the commons or something. That's where all the borders are."

"I know, they're all kinda loud though. I wanted some peace and quiet – have a history test tomorrow."

"Which history are you doing?"

"Just American. You'd think there'd be only so much they can teach you over ten years but apparently there's always more to learn."

Sebastian laughed slightly at the notion, nodding in agreement. "Well, I'm done for the day; I was just gonna go grab some coffee… Do you wanna come with me?"

Nick's smile broadened and he nodded. "Sure! Where are we headed? I'll follow you."

"The Lima Bean?"

"Isn't that kinda far?"

"The coffee's worth it," Sebastian said pointedly.

Nick laughed, a clear sound that reminded Sebastian of church bells. He wondered idly how he could make the comparison considering he hadn't set foot in a church in at least ten years.

"Okay, I'll see you there then," Sebastian replied with a smile before he got into his car and began leading the way to The Lima Bean.

The entire journey on Sebastian's part was spent trying not to freak out that he'd asked a guy he'd just met out for coffee. Did this constitute a date? Did Nick see it that way? Was Nick even gay? By the time he pulled into the lot and the small coffee shop, Sebastian had worked himself into a panic and he began to wonder if coffee was the best thing he could be taking into his system.

The air outside the car was cold and he pulled his blazer tighter around him as he waited for Nick to park and catch up with him. The other boy seemed cold too and his nose was quickly turning pink as he jogged over.

Inside, they quickly ordered coffee and Nick got a muffin before they sat down by the window. At first they sat in silence, sipping at their coffee and letting the cups warm their hands as they took in their surroundings.

"So…" Sebastian started after a good ten minutes of not being sure how to start the conversation. "Did you move to Ohio over the summer?"

"No, not quite. My dad's been waiting for a new assignment for a while now and he got it just after the semester started. I transferred to Dalton maybe three weeks into the semester," Nick explained before he tore off a part of his blueberry muffin and popped it in his mouth.

Sebastian nodded. He'd been admitted at the end of the third week of semester. "Just as I got sick then. Are you enjoying it? Dalton, I mean."

"Yeah, it's a wonderful school. Everyone's really nice, though I don't talk to many people."

"Why not?"

"Everyone's just so close-knit, you know? Transferring senior year is probably the worst thing ever."

"Yeah, I guess. I transferred last year and that was hard enough."

"Why did you transfer?"

"Bullying, then I spent a year in Paris with my dad and my sister. Came to Dalton after that."

"What were you bullied for? If you don't mind me asking," he asked as he drained the last of his coffee.

"I uh, I'm gay. Coming out in freshman year wasn't quite the wisest decision I ever made."

Nick's brow furrowed as he set the cup down. "That's not good. People can be so cruel."

"Yeah, I guess," Sebastian replied as he looked down at the table top and turned his cup around aimlessly. "Not so much of a problem at Dalton but the memories, y'know? It hurts even if it was years ago."

Nick reached out and gently touched his hand, squeezing slightly. "Things hurt because we care about them. You have a right to feel hurt."

"Yeah, I guess." Sebastian was somewhat surprised that Nick was worried about the bullying rather than the proclamation of his sexuality. Sebastian still wasn't used to acceptance. He wondered what else Nick would be willing to accept about him.

"Sebastian?"

Sebastian's head snapped around and his eyes widened to find Blaine standing behind him with a broad grin and coffee in hand.

"Blaine! Hey, how are you?" he asked, surprised.

"I'm good, how are you?" Blaine asked as he pulled a chair over and sat at the side of the table.

"I'm fine," Sebastian swallowed harshly as he looked between Nick and Blaine. "Uh, Blaine, this is Nick Duval. Nick, this is my friend from McKinley, Blaine Anderson."

"Nice to meet you," Nick answered with a smile, reaching over to shake Blaine's hand. "I'll be back in a second, nature calls."

Sebastian and Blaine nodded, watching as Nick wandered away before Sebastian looked to Blaine worriedly.

"Is he someone special?" Blaine asked as he sipped at his coffee.

"I don't know, I just met him."

"Another love of your life then? He gonna last longer than the last one?" Blaine asked dryly.

"No, it's not like that," Sebastian replied as he shook his head. "I've never met anyone like him before, Blaine."

Blaine set his coffee down and narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean?"

"I met him today, I accidentally walked into him in the hallway and when I saw his face… It was like the world had gone from black and white to technicolour. I've never felt this way before, Blaine."

"Do you think you're in love with him?" Blaine asked, a hint of worry clouding his tone.

"I don't know… I know there's _something_, I just don't know whether it's a capital-S Something or not… What was it like when you saw Kurt for the first time?"

"Exactly like that… Like I could finally see," Blaine admitted quietly as he looked down at his coffee cup.

"What should I do?"

Blaine looked back to Sebastian with a soft smile. "Follow your heart."

Sebastian nodded shakily. He wasn't very good at that. He had some learning to do.

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**A/N: I hope you enjoyed the first chapter and my wonderful collection of notes haha. This will be a multi-chapter fic and the longest one I've written for a long time if things work out :) I've finished school for the year and desperately need something to do and this is the first thing I've actually been interested in writing for a while now so I hope you're enjoying it and hopefully eager to see more. Thanks for reading –Frankie xoxo**


	3. Chapter 2: Lost!

Rating: M (for further chapters)

Characters: Sebastian Smythe, Nick, Trent, Jeff, Thad

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of past self-harm and suicide attempts

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, places or the song titles used in this fic.

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**CHAPTER 2: LOST!**

As the Ohio weather grew steadily colder, Sebastian and Nick's friendship grew steadily stronger. Every day that week, the pair had set out to The Lima Bean for coffee and talked for hours, learning about each other.

Sebastian had learnt that Nick had three younger brothers and was hoping to go to college to study psychology. This information had made Sebastian slightly uncomfortable but he'd pushed on to learn that Nick also liked sitting in the sun, reading, and picking flowers. The last one had made Nick blush and Sebastian's stomach flip as he struggled to suppress the urge to lean across the table and kiss him.

In turn, Sebastian had told him about his own family and his former passion for lacrosse. He talked about being a Warbler and his time in Paris, how he had rebelled when he returned. He explained a little of what happened at his old school but didn't go too far into details, not sure if he could trust Nick to keep his secrets.

Nick was warm and caring though and Sebastian felt safe around him. He couldn't remember the last time he felt safe and it was a comfortable way of living. He and Nick had chemistry together, something he hadn't previously been aware of and one afternoon as they packed up an experiment, Nick made an offer.

"Hey Seb, do you maybe wanna go to the park after school instead of the coffee shop? I have something I wanna show you."

Sebastian laughed slightly. "Sure, okay. I've got Warblers practice but I can meet you there afterwards. The one just down the road?"

"Yeah," Nick said with a smile. "I'll meet you by the pond."

"Okay," Sebastian replied as the bell sounded. Nick walked away and Sebastian was left with the sinking feeling in his chest that had become common every time he and Nick parted.

Unrequited love was a bitch.

"Mr Smythe, can I have a word?"

Just what Sebastian needed, another chewing out from one of his teachers.

"Yes Mr Kennedy?"

"I still haven't got your last organic chemistry assignment. I need it before the Thanksgiving break."

Sebastian nodded as he shouldered his bag and approached Mr Kennedy's desk. "I know, I know. Things have been kind of hectic at home and trying to catch up on everything is harder than I thought it would be."

"Have you applied to colleges yet?"

"Yeah… My mom helped me with that while I was sick so that I wouldn't miss the deadlines." He would never forget what it was like to consider a future somewhere else while he sat in a psychiatric unit with bandages around his arms and a nurse following his every move.

"Well you're going to need to bring up that grade point average again if you want any offers, Sebastian."

"I know."

"And the assignment?"

"Will be finished as soon as possible."

"By Friday please."

"I'll try my best, sir," Sebastian replied finally before he stalked off to the senior commons for Warblers practice.

When he walked through the double doors, the entire room fell silent at the drop of a hat. Sebastian glanced around, confused to find everyone's eyes turned to him and following as he moved to stand by the windows where he usually addressed his teammates.

"It's rude to stare, Warblers," he said simply as he set his bag down on a table before folding his arms across his chest.

"We just can't believe you," Trent said as he shook his head.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sebastian asked, growing more confused.

"You've barely left the new kid's side all week, man," Jeff began to explain. "Coffee every night, spending your free periods together. I heard you agreeing to go to the park with him after Warblers practice."

"And what does it matter to you guys if I have a new friend?" Sebastian asked angrily but he garnered no answer, the Warblers all diverting their gazes.

"We're worried that maybe you're just using him… That you've got some kind of sick fantasy to corrupt him the same way Jesse corrupted you," Thad admitted.

Sebastian narrowed his eyes. "How do any of you know about Jesse? Who fucking told you?!"

"We were worried about you, you just disappeared!" Jeff tried to defend them. "When we saw the New Directions at Sectionals, I asked Blaine if he'd heard from you recently. You weren't your normal self when you came back and we were scared for you. We care, Seb!"

"If you cared you would have remembered that this is none of your business! Jesse was mine, not yours!"

"We're worried about Nick as well," Trent interjected. "He's a good kid, Sebastian. We don't want him to get hurt either."

"And what makes you think I'm gonna hurt him?"

"Don't take it like that, we didn't mean you were going to-"

"Yes you did," Sebastian cut him off. "You know, I thought you guys would be happy for me. After everything this team went through last year, after almost losing Blaine's friendship forever, that you'd be happy that I was making some genuine friends and some genuine attempts at being nice to someone. I thought you'd be happy that Nick makes _me_ happy."

"Seb, we're-"

"I don't wanna hear it," Sebastian said sharply as he shouldered his bag again. "Nick is the best thing that ever happened to me, okay? If you guys can't accept that then maybe you don't care as much as you thought you did."

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Nick was beginning to worry as he sat in the park. He'd laid out a picnic rug and had sandwiches, juice and fruit waiting but he didn't want to start eating until Sebastian got here. Warblers practice hadn't taken this long last week. Something had to be wrong.

Just as Nick pulled his phone from his pocket to try calling his friend, a shadow appeared over the picnic blanket and Sebastian's soft chuckled echoed around him.

"A picnic? Really?" Sebastian asked as he sat down across from Nick, squinting in the afternoon sun.

"I wanted to show you something, remember? I'd figured you'd be hungry after Warblers practice too," Nick pulled the lid off the container he'd put the sandwiches in, handing it to Sebastian who looked more pale than he had back at Dalton. Maybe it was because he was in fact hungry.

"Yeah, we ran a little late. Guys wouldn't stop bickering about who'd get what part."

"Are you okay? You look really pale."

"Yeah, I'm just tired. Struggling to do all the homework I missed. Kennedy's asked for the organic chemistry assignment by Friday and it's just … impossible," Sebastian bowed his head slightly before he took another bite of the sandwich. It was only ham and cheese but it tasted like angels had made it.

"I can help if you'd like, organic chem isn't my strongest but two heads are better than one," Nick offered, watching Sebastian worriedly.

"N-No, Kennedy's strict about sharing work, I don't want you to get in trouble."

Nick bit his lip but didn't press the issue. They ate the rest of the sandwiches and fruit in silence, a strange air traversing the air between the two boys. There was something strange about Sebastian's eyes, something was missing, or something had changed.

"You said you wanted to show me something?" Sebastian asked as he dusted off his blazer, sandwich crumbs falling onto the picnic blanket.

"Yes, I do," Nick said, a smile splitting his face as he got to his feet. "We'll drop this stuff back in my car and then I'll show you."

Sebastian gathered the containers while Nick shook and folded the blanket. They quickly headed back to Nick's car, tossing it all in the back seat and Nick yanked off his blazer and tie. As he turned to face Sebastian again, he smiled and turned up his sleeves.

"You smile a lot," Sebastian noted, the smile infectious as his lips quirked slightly upward.

"I like smiling, it makes people happy."

"Smiling people tend to piss me off sometimes," Sebastian admitted as he buried his hands in his pockets and they began making their way across the grassy knolls back towards the pond.

"Why's that?"

"Just… Some people have no trouble being happy. They just seem to _decide_ to be happy and then they are. It's just not fair that it comes so easily to some people and not to others."

Nick narrowed his eyes slightly. They were crossing the bridge over the narrow part of the pond and Sebastian had turned to look out over the water. Behind him stood tall trees with browning leaves and tall bushes that still had their colour and a few had small flowers on them. Sebastian seemed to fit in with the autumnal nature surrounding them. Everything was dying but not really dead and as Nick mulled over that notion, it clicked.

"You're depressed aren't you?"

"No. I _have_ depression," Sebastian answered as he looked back to Nick, anger and something akin to guilt in his eyes. "The bullying at my old school got to me more than I usually make out. People look at you differently when they know you have depression."

"I'm sorry," Nick murmured, reaching out to touch Sebastian's shoulder and surprised when he didn't flinch away.

"I hurt myself sometimes," Sebastian went on; his head falling again as he closed his eyes and tried to breathe. "More than sometimes, most of the time… I've tried to kill myself twice. My parents sent me to this treatment centre at the start of the semester, they thought it might help. All it did was lead me to people who could give me new ideas. That's where I've been, I haven't ever had mono – surprisingly."

"Surprisingly?"

"I'm a manwhore," Sebastian said frankly as he finally turned back to Nick, leaning against the railing. "And the Warblers seem to think that all I want from you is sex and I just – I'm over it."

Nick watched him silently, seeing the tears in his eyes. He reached forward, his hand fitting against Sebastian's cheek perfectly before he stepped closer and leaned up to kiss him gently. Sebastian was frozen on the spot before he carefully kissed Nick back, his hand sneaking around to hold the back of Nick's head steady.

There was something different about this boy, something Sebastian just couldn't explain. He tasted like summer rain and fresh air, he smelled like flowers but Sebastian couldn't decide what kind. The feeling of Nick's arms winding around his waist was pure ecstasy and Sebastian couldn't help the soft mewl of disappointment that defied him as Nick pulled away.

"Screw the Warblers, Sebastian. If they're not going to accept you then they don't deserve you," Nick breathed.

"I'm not what you think I am, Nick. I'm not worth it."

"Yes you are," Nick said with a smile.

"Why do you care, Nick? You only just met me," Sebastian said as he shook his head.

"Because everybody needs someone to believe in them."

"I just feel really lost, Nick."

Nick smiled sadly as he gently carded his hand through Sebastian's hair. "You don't have to feel like that anymore, Seb. I promise."

Sebastian let himself fall into Nick's warm embrace and somehow it felt like home.

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**A/N: -hands you a tissue- Sorry about that. But I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thank you for the lovely reviews for the first chapter. As per my usual style, I'll be writing and posting pretty fast so it's probably easiest to put this fic on your alerts if you wanna keep up with it. Thank you for reading and I hope you're having a wonderful day –Frankie xoxo**


	4. Chapter 3: 42 - Part One

Rating: M

Characters: Sebastian Smythe, Nick

Warnings: Rather graphic description of self-harm/suicide attempt

Disclaimer: I do not own I do not own any of these characters, places or the song titles used in this fic.

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**CHAPTER 3: 42 – PART ONE**

_Those who are dead are not dead _

_They're just living in my head _

_And since I fell for that spell _

_I am living there as well_

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Sebastian felt guilty. He should have been elated. He should have wanted to sing from the rooftops and dance and never leave Nick's side. But he went home, curled up in bed and cried himself to sleep.

When he woke again, the world outside was dark. He exchanged his uniform for a singlet and a pair of loose sweatpants, looking at the blood-splotched bandage around his arm sadly before he headed downstairs. He felt sick with hunger and was glad his parents were in Columbus again because he couldn't bear to see anyone right now.

Sebastian drank some milk straight from the bottle and grabbed a few pieces of bread before he checked the doors were locked and headed back up to his room. He flicked on the overhead light and put on some music, a playlist from when he'd been going out with Jesse that they'd put together one afternoon. He stuffed the rest of the bread into his mouth before he sunk to his knees beside his bed and reached underneath to pull out a small cardboard box.

Turning to sit back against his bed, Sebastian opened the box and smiled slightly at the photography that lay on top. It was the last photo he and Jesse had taken together, of them sitting side by side with broad grins in the afternoon sun. It was the only photo of Jesse that Sebastian had kept, the rest had been burned.

Moving the photo aside, Sebastian began digging through the other memories he had kept safe of his first love. There was a bus ticket from their first date and movie tickets from their second. The ring Sebastian had worn on his ring finger just to show Jesse that he was serious. The lighter Jesse had used to light his cigarettes. Love letters and poems, goofy drawings. It was all there.

Sebastian pushed it all aside though – it wasn't what he was looking for. At the bottom of the box, hidden beneath a tear-stained love letter, were a razorblade and an empty orange pill bottle. Sebastian set the box on the floor before he picked the two items up, feeling the weight of what they had done and what they were still capable of doing.

He looked over at the clock radio on his nightstand, trying to calculate how long until someone would next come to the house. It was ten pm now and if his friends cared enough to worry about his absence at school the next day, they wouldn't get here until at least 3:30 the next afternoon. That would give anything he tried enough time to get him beyond help.

Swallowing hard, Sebastian slowly got to his feet again and quickly ducked across the hallway into the bathroom. From the cabinets under the sink he pulled out two fresh razorblades from the packet he kept taped to the top of the cabinet and from the countertop he grabbed a bottle of painkillers and another of his antidepressants. He'd tried both methods before and they hadn't worked yet but Sebastian hadn't been known for quitting.

Sebastian returned to his room, grabbing Jesse's last blade and the photo from the box on the floor before he settled in the centre of his mattress. He sat cross legged as he pulled away the bandages around his arms, tossing them away. The cuts from after his fight with the Warblers still oozed and stung but he didn't let it faze him as he lifted one of the fresh blades and pressed it into his skin.

The metal bit into Sebastian's skin and the rest of his body went cold as pain raced along his nerves, collecting in his brain like a flash mob. Blood seeped agonisingly from his arm and he wanted to peel back the flesh and let it flow like a river but he knew it didn't work that way so he pressed the blade down again.

The circle went on and on. Cut, bleed, want more, cut, bleed, want more. He started intermittently swallowing three or four pills at a time from whichever bottle he grabbed with his shaking hand. When the pills started to make Sebastian go numb, he stopped, instead cutting more and deeper. He was vaguely aware of the music in the background and the howling wind that had picked up outside his window. He was quickly growing tired and he was afraid that if he passed out, he wouldn't have done enough.

Sebastian leaned back against his pillows, letting his arms fall to his sides as he stared at the ceiling and tried to focus on the music. It was some old Coldplay song he couldn't remember the name of, the words drifting through his head like a fleeting memory he wasn't allowed to recall entirely. He let his eyes drift closed for a moment before he pulled himself back up. He tossed away the razor he'd been using; the blade long dulled, and traded it for Jesse's. He lifted it to his lips and kissed it softly.

"I'll be there soon, Jesse."

Sebastian pressed the corner of the blade into his wrist and dragged it upwards, painstakingly slowly to maximise the punishment he deserved for doing this to his friends and family. The pain was like fire in his veins and his shaking hand lost grip on the blade, the razor falling into the rumpled sheets. Sebastian wrapped his fingers tightly around the gaping wound, bright red blood spurting out between his fingers. He wasn't strong enough to keep pressure, he was dying, he could feel it.

Bloody fingers slipping on the plastic, he carefully lifted the bottle of painkillers to his lips, tipping them back and swallowing the last four of five pills. The pain was indeed killed but he could still feel himself slipping away and in an attempt to make the process faster, he downed the rest of his antidepressants too before he let his body go slack and feel down, sprawled across the mattress.

The picture of him and Jesse was on the pillow beside his head and he moved his eyes to watch it. He wanted to talk but he was so tired. _Breathing_ took effort.

_I love you, Jesse. I'm coming to find you. I'll be there soon and it'll all be okay. It's all going away. I'll be home soon…_

Sebastian drifted in and out of consciousness for a long time. When he was awake, he was in pain and breathless and when he was asleep, he felt like nothing could bring him down. He kept hearing something ringing which made him panic and in turn feel weaker as more of his blood leached from his wounds. He was almost pulled from his stupor when something crashed downstairs.

Yelling.

Footsteps.

Knocking.

Yelling.

Doors slamming.

An audible gasp.

Movement.

Hands on his face.

Lips.

A kiss.

_Nick_.

Bright light.

Something soft.

Feathers.

_Blinding_ light.

Darkness.

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**A/N: -hands you more tissues and hides from keyboards being thrown across the virtual room- Sorry about that … again. It starts getting happier from here on out. I'm not sure when I'll update next. It's meant to be really hot here tomorrow (100F or there about) so I might not use my laptop for fear of overheating. Thank you for reading –Frankie xoxo**


	5. Chapter 4: 42 - Part Two

Rating:

Characters: Sebastian Smythe, Nick

Warnings: Swearing, mention & discussion of self-harm/suicide attempt

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, places or the song titles/lyrics used in this fic.

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**CHAPTER 4: 42 – PART TWO**

_You thought you might be a ghost _

_You didn't get to Heaven but you made it close_

.

"Come on, Sebastian, stay with me."

_Don't you fucking dare let him die._

"Talk to me, tell me what happened."

_You're not taking him._

Nick glanced in his rear-view mirror to where he'd laid Sebastian across the backseat. The boy was pale, a thin trail of vomit running down from the corner of his mouth from Nick's attempt to make him throw up the pills on his own. When Nick was stopped at a red light, he turned around, reaching for Sebastian's neck to check his pulse. He couldn't feel anything.

"Don't you die on me, Smythe," Nick hissed as he turned back to speed through on the green light and pull over the first chance he got. He pulled himself into the back seat, crouching in the gap between the seats and checking for a pulse again. Still nothing.

Nick bit his lip as he gently laid his hand over Sebastian's forehead and closed his eyes. He whispered the words he'd known for so long but never had to use. He finished them and then repeated them because he couldn't risk this not working. He had to save Sebastian.

When Nick opened his eyes again, he moved his hand to Sebastian's neck once more. The quiet thrum of a pulse was steady beneath his fingers. But it was weak. He checked the wounds he hadn't had the time to wrap in _something_. Some had closed, some were scabbed over. But the deepest one still bled freely, despite the white dust that sparkled and settled around the edges.

There wasn't time to waste. Nick clambered back into the driver's seat and continued speeding towards the hospital. He carried Sebastian into the emergency room, three nurses leaping into action at the sight of the blood-spattered boys.

"What happened?"

"He cut himself."

"Has he taken anything?"

"No."

"Who are you?"

"Brother, found him when I got home," Nick lied, the taste of dishonesty lingering in his mouth.

"His name?"

"Sebastian Smythe, he's eighteen."

"Allergies?"

"I don't know."

"Okay, we'll take care of him."

Sebastian had been laid on a gurney and was now disappearing between a pair of double doors. Nick took a deep breath and headed back outside to park his car. In his wake, he left bloody footprints and a trail of feathers.

.

.

Sebastian had woken up after taking overdoses before and none of the experiences had ever been like this. The room was white but not dazzlingly so. His eyes did not take minutes to focus and nothing really hurt. He didn't feel light headed the way he usually did after a bad episode. He tried to wet his mouth but it just didn't work and it was then that he realised he wasn't alone.

"Seb?"

_Nick_.

The dark haired boy appeared at his side, curling his hand around Sebastian's. Nick's eyes were worried and smudged underneath with purple. He looked pale and Sebastian just wanted to hold him. He reached up to touch his face but Nick pulled away, twisting around before turning back and holding a cup up to Sebastian. He freed his other hand and held a straw steady, watching as his friend sipped at the cool water.

"Just take it easy, Sebastian. You've had rough night."

"How long have I been out?" Sebastian asked, his voice still croaky.

"I found you at about midnight; it's two in the afternoon now."

Sebastian was surprised it had been such a short time but he sighed softly and let himself sink back into the pillows. He already felt triggered again, the way he always did when he knew he'd been caught. He looked towards the windows, the sky outside grey as rainclouds swirled through the atmosphere.

"You don't have to talk about it, Sebastian. I won't make you."

"Thank you," he replied quietly. "Do my parents know?"

"I called them and told them you had a concussion, hit your head when you slipped at the park."

Sebastian turned to Nick, his expression quizzical. "Why did you tell them that?"

"I figured you'd want some time to yourself," Nick answered as he sat down in the chair beside Sebastian's bed. "The doctors aren't going to keep you here once you're not feeling so lightheaded. The wounds weren't as bad as they seemed apparently."

Sebastian's brow knitted together in confusion. "But – I tried to kill myself… I took an overdose. I was sure I was gone…"

Nick shrugged. "Not when I found you."

Sebastian looked up at the ceiling, trying to sort through the fragmented memories. The box of things from his time with Jesse. Cutting. Downing the pills. Nick kissing him. The blinding white light.

"There was a light," Sebastian murmured and he felt the air in the room grow thick with tension. He looked back to Nick, the boy leaning forward and looking at him with a steely gaze. "You came to find me… And there was white light. And feathers."

"What do you think it was?" Nick asked, his voice strained and tense.

"It was you… But, not you. I don't know how to explain it."

"Try."

"Why? I was probably just high or delirious."

"Maybe you weren't."

"What do _you_ think it was?"

Nick reached out and took Sebastian's hand again. "I think it was truth."

"Truth? What do you mean?" Sebastian shook his head slightly. "Nick, what are you talking about?"

"I haven't been completely honest with you, Sebastian. I'm sorry that I lied but I had to, to protect you. I didn't think it would work out the way it has-"

"Why did you have to protect me? You didn't think what would work out?"

"I love you, okay? No matter what I say or what you think of me for it, I love you," Nick took a deep, steadying breath, half surprised at what he'd just said to Sebastian. "I'm not the same as you. I'm different… I've been alive for eight hundred years and all of that time; I've been waiting for orders to come down to Earth to save you."

"Why?" Sebastian asked.

"I was sent here from Heaven to help you, that's how I knew you had tried to kill yourself. I broke into your house last night and brought you here."

"So, what? You're an – an _angel_?" Sebastian asked incredulously.

"Y-Yeah… I used my powers to neutralise the pills you took before I drove you to the hospital. That was what the light was after I kissed you. I tried to make you throw them up but it didn't work too well, you were a dead weight. But on the way, I couldn't find a pulse. I used an old spell to close some of your wounds but the deep one wouldn't close. Magic isn't always a cure-all."

"The white light was you? And the feathers? Were they wings?"

"Yep," Nick blushed slightly. "No halo though, that'll be on its way out when someone finds out what I've done."

"Why? Is what you did bad?"

"We're not supposed to interfere with the lives of the people we look after. Not directly, not the way I did last night."

"Are you going to have to leave?"

"I don't know, I haven't heard of this happening before. I don't know what they'll do."

"So an angel has never fallen in love with a human before?"

Nick laughed softly, bowing and shaking his head slightly. "No, we're the first."

Sebastian squeezed Nick's hand. "Good, I like being the first."

Nick looked back to the boy, smiling softly before he leaned over and kissed him gently. "I love you, Sebastian."

"I love you too."

Sebastian had the feeling that he should be freaking out about all that Nick had told him. But for the first time since Jesse had died, he was glad to be alive.

.

.

**A/N: So did anyone pick it before the reveal? I did leave clues in the first few chapters and I know one or two of you were close. Let me know, I'm legitimately interested to know. And I'm sorry this one's shorter, I was really struggling with how to do it and I revised it twice before I posted it. As always thanks for reading and I hope you're enjoying it so far –Frankie xoxo**


	6. Chapter 5: Strawberry Swing

Rating: M (for further chapters)

Characters: Sebastian Smythe, Nick, Jeff, Thad, Trent, OFC, Blaine

Warnings: Fluff (seriously) and then angst (naturally), mentions of past self-harm and abuse

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, places or the song titles/lyrics used in this fic.

.

**CHAPTER 5: STRAWBERRY SWING**

The rest of Fall passed in a blur. Sebastian cocooned himself from the rest of his classmates, only ever spending time with Nick because he knew there'd be no way to avoid his Guardian Angel. He wasn't used to the fact that someone actually cared about him. Sure his family did, and he knew the Warblers cared too. But someone was willing to come find him in the middle of the night when he freaked out, or to answer his calls at three in the morning. It was new and comforting and Sebastian didn't want it to change.

Nick and Sebastian had spent a lot of time talking, especially over the Thanksgiving break. Sebastian finally opened up about his relationship with Jesse, telling Nick as much as he could remember. He talked about how they'd met at a record store but the relationship had advanced more quickly than it should have. He explained how Jesse had taught Sebastian more effective ways to self-harm and had even helped him on occasion. He showed Nick scars from when Jesse had cut him during sex or when they were making out.

In turn, Nick had been outraged by the fact that Sebastian had stayed with the guy as long as he had but it soon dawned on him that Sebastian had been young and naïve. Jesse opened him up to a whole new world. A ravenous, dangerous world where the strong preyed upon the weak and there was no give and take. He could understand why Sebastian had been so upset about Jesse's death and that it was hard for Sebastian to let go of his first love. Even if Jesse had not truly reciprocated the feelings.

It would take a long time for Nick to help Sebastian past this and he was no longer sure how much time he would have.

December rolled around and Westerville grew colder. The sky was always overcast and the wind was bitterly cold. The winter break was drawing near and the only thing on Sebastian's mind was what to do about the Winter Dance. Dalton held one every year, always themed, and this year was "Winter Wonderland". The organisers weren't too creative anymore. But the Warblers had been asked to perform and Sebastian was torn between reuniting with his friends and continuing to stay away from them.

"I just don't know how to feel about it," Sebastian pondered one afternoon as he and Nick lay on his bed, holding hands in the space between them as they stared at the ceiling. "None of them have made an effort to try and talk to me. I haven't been to a practice since the one where they accused me of only wanting you for sex." That still stung at his heart. Nick's too by the way the angel tensed momentarily. Nick was surprisingly angry for an angel but Sebastian didn't mind. He supposed there was a reasonable explanation.

"You aren't exactly the most approachable person, Seb. I've seen the way you act around them, just sitting in the same room or passing them in the hall. You change when you see them," Nick pointed out.

Sebastian looked over to Nick. "So what do you think I should do?"

"I'm your guardian angel, Seb, not your conscience. I can't make the decision for you," Nick answered with a laugh.

Sebastian sat up and swivelled around to face Nick, crossing his legs. "I'm not asking you as my guardian angel, I'm asking you as my boyfriend."

A small crooked smile crept across Nick's face as he pushed himself up to lie on his side, leaning on his elbow. "And when did I become your boyfriend?"

"When I started wanting to kiss you all the time," Sebastian started as he lay down again, mirroring Nick. "And when I felt like I could tell you anything, and knew that no matter what you would be there for me."

"I _have_ to be there for you, I don't have a choice," Nick murmured but he couldn't wipe the smile off his face. Sebastian was so close and it felt exhilarating to know that if he wanted, Nick could reach out and kiss him, touch him, hold him. His breath was cool against his face, teasing and tormenting as Nick knew the time wasn't right.

"You didn't have to kiss me at the park that day, you _chose_ it. I was in love from the moment I saw you but you let me know it was okay to pursue a feeling that was, quite frankly, new to me." Sebastian leaned in closer to whisper against Nick's lips. "And I wanna take you to the Winter Dance and be able to look across the room and say "That's my boyfriend, isn't he wonderful?""

Nick blushed. "You really wanna take me to the dance? Like a date?"

Sebastian closed the minute distance between them with a soft kiss, snaking his hand around Nick's waist to splay his hand across his lower back. The angel still tasted crisp and fresh and new as he had on the bridge at the park but it was tainted with familiarity and Sebastian wished they could stay like this forever.

When they pulled away, Sebastian smiled broadly. His eyes crinkled and lit up in a way Nick hadn't seen before. It only made him want to kiss the boy again, to try and keep that expression of pure joy there forever.

"Will you go with me to the Winter Dance?"

"Most definitely," Nick answered softly before Sebastian kissed him again.

He didn't care that he was breaking orders. Nothing could take away how happy this was making him.

.

.

That Friday, Sebastian was getting ready for the dance. Nick was due to pick him up at eight. He still hadn't decided what to do about the Warblers but he had decided to apologise to his friends. As he fumbled with his tie, his mother knocked on the open door, leaning against the doorframe as Sebastian turned to face her.

"What is it, mom?" Sebastian asked as he pulled his tie tighter.

"I'm just proud of you," Annabelle Smythe said simply as she smiled. "You made it through the semester."

Sebastian laughed softly as he looked down at himself in the suit he'd dug out. "Yeah, I guess I did."

"And Nick's a sweet boy, you two get on well together."

"Yeah, we do," Sebastian answered, hoping the blush didn't show in his cheeks.

"Is he just a friend or … something more?"

He was definitely blushing more. "He's uh, well – tonight's kind of our official first date."

Annabelle's smile grew. "That's really good to hear, Sebastian."

Sebastian smiled back at his mother before he moved forward to pull her into a hug. He towered over her now; long grown from the tiny boy he'd been when he started school.

"You look after yourself tonight, okay? No dramas. Just have fun and come home in one piece."

Sebastian pulled away and looked to his mother warily. "What do you mean?"

"Please don't do the same thing you did with Jesse," Annabelle murmured. "Please don't end up in the hospital with your arms all in a mess."

Sebastian bit his lip, recalling the night now. He'd gone with Jesse to his junior prom and they'd snuck away for sex but Jesse had cut him so much that the chaperones had had to call an ambulance and he was taken to the hospital. That had been the first time his parents had tried to interfere with the relationship and it had been succeeded by many more, right up until Jesse killed himself at the end of Sebastian's sophomore year.

Sebastian hugged his mother again. "That's never going to happen again, I promise."

"Just look after yourself tonight, please?"

"I will," Sebastian answered with a smile as the doorbell rang. "That'll be Nick."

"You two go have fun, alright? I wanna see a smile on your face tomorrow!"

Sebastian laughed, kissing his mother on the cheek before he bounded downstairs. Opening the front door, a content smile settled on his face to find Nick on his doorstep. He was in a simple black suit with a white shirt. His hair looked the same as always and a goofy smile was plastered across his face.

"You're looking snazzy," Sebastian said, laughing.

"As are you," Nick replied with a grin. "Ready to go?"

"Sure," Sebastian nodded before he quickly turned back to swipe his keys and phone off the small table in the foyer. "I'll be back by midnight!"

"Have fun boys!" Annabelle called from the kitchen before Sebastian and Nick headed out for Dalton Academy.

.

.

The Dalton senior commons had been cleared of their furniture and carpets, replaced with tables and speakers. Streamers in blues and whites hung from the walls and silver balloons gathered overhead. The decorators had even go to the effort to hang paper snowflakes from the curtain rods over the windows.

Sebastian and Nick walked around warily, Sebastian not entirely sure how he was going to deal with apologising to his friends but he felt he had to do it.

The first person they saw was Jeff, who seemed surprised to see them together. Nick thought it might be the blissful smile Sebastian couldn't wipe off of his face. Nick pointed out the other Warbler who looked handsome in a grey suit and watched as Sebastian approached his friend.

"You came? I'm surprised, to be honest," Jeff said, struggling to turn his gaze from Nick.

"I-I wanted to… I wanted to apologise to you, and to Trent and Thad, for the way I acted that day. It wasn't necessary, what I said to you. And I've been an idiot for avoiding you guys these past few weeks."

Jeff nodded slowly. "You're right, you were an ass that day," a small smile crept over his face. "But so were we. We shouldn't have accused you of what we did. You're nothing like Jesse; you wouldn't do that to someone. Not even after what you did last year."

"Friends then?" Sebastian asked as he raised a fist to be level with his chest.

"Friends," Jeff agreed with a nod and a bump of their fists. "Do you want me to point Trent and Thad in your direction?"

"Yeah, if you see them," Sebastian asked, glancing around. "And good luck tonight, with the performance."

"You don't wanna join us?"

"I don't know the blocking or anything," Sebastian shrugged and a cheeky grin spread over his lips. "Besides, I wanna see how well you guys fare without me."

"You're not gonna come back then?"

"I will, just not tonight," Sebastian clapped Jeff on the shoulder. "I'll see you later, okay?"

"Okay," Jeff smiled before he disappeared back into the crowd. Sebastian turned back to Nick who moved forward and smiled softly.

"You survived?"

"Yep," Sebastian answered with a grin as he wound his arms around Nick's waist and pulled him close. "Trent and Thad will be on the lookout so will you dance with me while we can?"

"I'd be honoured," Nick replied as he looped his arms around Sebastian's neck and they danced to the unfamiliar song until they were broken apart by Thad and Trent leaping over Sebastian.

"You're coming back?!" Trent asked excitedly.

"Dude, we're so sorry about what we said to you."

"But you're coming back, right?!"

"We were total asses."

"Guys, guys, let him breathe."

They all stopped dead in the tracks before turning to find Blaine standing beside Nick, hands in pockets and pink carnation in his lapel.

"Blaine! What are you doing here?!" Sebastian asked in half disbelief and half excitement. He'd barely thought about Blaine since the night they'd met at the coffee shop.

"Jeff invited me, figured that we'd been through so much together we should celebrate our last Winter Dance together."

"It's good to see you, Blaine," Sebastian murmured before he enveloped the shorter boy in a tight hug. The other Warblers surrounded them but it was then time for the group to perform their number, the DJ announcing it as they gathered in the middle of the room. Sebastian drifted back to Nick, watching as they formed and they began to sing.

Sebastian soon regretted ever coming to the dance.

_When I see your smile_

_Tears roll down my face _

_I can't replace_

_And now that I'm strong I have figured out_

_How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul_

_And I know I'll find deep inside me _

_I can be the one…_

Sebastian ran for the door, Nick and Blaine bolting after him. He ran through the halls and outside into the courtyard at the centre of the building. Nick and Blaine stood in the doorway, watching sadly as Sebastian paced back and forth.

"What's wrong, Seb? What happened?" Blaine asked, glancing to Nick who just looked heartbroken.

"It's our song! It's our _fucking_ song!" He kicked aside a chair which toppled over before he fell to his knees and sat on the cold, damp ground.

"Seb, you've gotta calm down," Blaine said, trying to move forward but Nick grabbed his arm and held him back, his gaze still fixed on Sebastian.

"He sang it to me every fucking night! He sang it to me as he kissed the bandages he'd wound around my wrists and he'd sing it to me when I had nightmares and anxiety attacks."

"Who sang it to you?" Blaine asked, confused by the whole situation.

"Jesse William Connors!" Sebastian yelled from where he sat, finally looking back to the boys standing in the doorway. The hateful gaze didn't hold as Sebastian's eyes clouded with tears and he reached up to pull at the hair on the back of his head. Nick finally released Blaine and stepped forward, moving slowly as he went to sit beside Sebastian, making sure not to touch him in case it earned a shove or a punch.

"Seb, I know you're upset, you have every right to be," Nick paused, glancing back to Blaine and deciding he could trust the boy. "I know this is hard but, you need to let Jesse go. I know you loved him and that he was important to you, but you need to realise that he was bad for you. He hurt you, Sebastian, and you need to find a way to let him go so that he doesn't _keep_ hurting you."

"I don't know how," Sebastian admitted, his voice small and fragile. Blaine couldn't believe that this was the same boy who had blackmailed and assaulted him not quite twelve months ago.

"Then we'll help you," Nick said. "That's what friends are for, right?"

Sebastian looked up at Nick, his eyes red and swollen. He hiccupped slightly and wiped his face on his sleeve before he leaned his head on Nick's shoulder. Nick gently wrapped an arm around Sebastian, rubbing his back gently as he looked to Blaine with a sad smile.

It wasn't much, but it was progress.

.

.

**A/N: The song the Warblers start singing is "Your Guardian Angel" by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus which is a song I'm totally in love with and would quite happily dance to at my wedding. I was going to have them sing Coldplay's "Strawberry Swing" but this fits better obviously because of Nick but because of how Sebastian felt Jesse was looking after him.**

**I wasn't originally going to infuse so much of the past into this story but a review I received for the last chapter has set my mind on fire with ideas and explanations hahaha. I hope you're enjoying this so far. I've given you this gloriously long chapter because tomorrow I'm taking a break to write a fic for my other verse that I promised so keep an eye out for that too if you're interested :) **

**I've also switched around the events of the upcoming chapters because Sebastian's breakdown came out of nowhere -awkward laughing- I can't resist good old fashioned angst sometimes. Sorry.**

**But thanks for reading and if you want more updates on where I'm at with my writing, feel free to find me on tumblr (same username as here) –Frankie xoxo**


	7. Chapter 6: Violet Hill

Rating: M

Characters: Sebastian Smythe, Nick, Blaine Anderson, OFC

Warnings: Swearing, descriptions of physical/sexual/emotional abuse, talk of self-harm, depression and suicide

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, places or the song titles used in this fic.

A/N: I'm sorry this chapter turned into an angst-fest too. I swear I don't mean for this to keep happening. Admittedly though, it is kind of nice to be able to let the story just flow without thinking too much for a change. Enjoy :)

.

**CHAPTER 6: VIOLET HILL**

The night of the Winter Wonderland Dance, Nick drove Sebastian home when he stopped crying. His parents were in bed so Nick helped him upstairs and out of his suit, putting him to bed before he headed back out into the night. Nick had returned the next morning and taken Sebastian out for lunch and they now sat in Breadstix with Blaine who had asked to come as well, worried for his friend.

They sat in silence, Sebastian turning his glass around in its place aimlessly as he waited for Blaine or Nick to say something.

"Sebastian, we want to help you through this," Blaine began warily. "But neither of us really know how to… We understand that you still care about Jesse, that you miss him. And we know that during your relationship he hurt you in a lot of ways. Not just with his death but with the things he did to you prior to that."

"He didn't do anything to me," Sebastian said, the anger in his eyes again.

Nick reached and held Sebastian's hand gently, watching as his boyfriend glared at the gesture. "Sebastian, sometimes when people have been hurt by the people that they love, they don't realise that that person was hurting them-"

"Jesse loved me!" Sebastian said fiercely.

"I'm sure he did, Seb. But Jesse was sick too, you have to realise that. From what you've told the both of us, he wasn't in a good place mentally. His decision making would have been impaired," Blaine took a deep breath. "Nick and I have both seen the scars he gave you… The relationship was toxic, and you know that."

"It's hard to accept, we understand that too. But Blaine and I are worried about you. We want you to feel better, Seb. We want you to be happy and to smile, to be able to move on from this."

"I can't forget Jesse, I can't. He means too much. He's been too important. I can't just forget him," Sebastian said quickly as he shook his head.

"We're not asking you to forget him, Seb. But you can't mourn him forever. If you keep going on like this, it'll only make it harder for you to move through the depression." Blaine shuffled forward and leaned over the table slightly. "I think perhaps what we need to do is to take you to where Jesse was buried so that you can say a kind of goodbye. Get some closure."

"And maybe sort through the box of things you kept from him, keep the things that are really special but throw away the stuff that has bad memories attached to it," Nick added gently.

Sebastian looked between his friends before he finally let up and nodded in agreement. "Fine, I'll get rid of some of the stuff and go to his stupid grave."

Nick didn't like his resignation and his brushing off of the idea but they had gotten somewhere and Nick wasn't going to ignore it.

.

.

That afternoon, Nick and Sebastian returned to Sebastian's house. Blaine had been forced home, his parents actually present and annoyed that he had barely been home since their return. Annabelle and Marcus were surprised to see Nick again.

"Nick, you're back," Annabelle said in surprise when the boys walked through the front door.

"We're just gonna hang out in my room for a while, mom," Sebastian replied, starting up the stairs.

"Hang on, Sebastian. Don't you two have homework? Nick's barely been home all weekend – don't you need to see your family, sweetie?"

"My parents took my brothers to see a football game; they won't be back until tonight. I'm not being missed," Nick explained with a smile.

"Okay… Let us know if you need anything."

"Will do, mom," Sebastian answered quickly before he tugged on Nick's sleeve and they headed upstairs.

Sebastian's room was a mess; he hadn't bothered to clean it while trying to get through the last few weeks of the semester. He kicked things aside, clearing a path for Nick before he turned back to close the door.

"Are you sure that's a wise idea? They might think we're making out," Nick said with a devilish grin.

Sebastian shot a smirk in his direction, lunging forward to where Nick was sitting on his bed and kissing him fiercely as they fell into the mattress. Nick's grip was tight on his hips and Sebastian kept laughing into the kiss before Nick rolled them over, pinning Sebastian down.

"You're right; I shouldn't have closed the door. Apparently you turn into a sex monkey when I do," Sebastian laughed, watching Nick with lovesick eyes.

Nick only smiled in return, kneeling over Sebastian. "We need to go through the box of stuff first, okay?" He carefully clambered off of Sebastian, watching as his boyfriend sat up before Nick leaned down and pulled the box out from under the bed.

As Nick lifted the lid off the box, he felt Sebastian tense at his side. They let the lid fall to the floor and Nick turned towards the bed where he tipped the box's contents over the sheets. There were letters, a lighter, the last photo, the tickets and the ring. Nick had thrown the razorblade and the pill bottle out when he brought Sebastian back from the hospital.

"You should keep the ring and the photo, I think," Nick murmured, plucking them from the pile and placing the on the box lid.

"Tickets and the lighter can go," Sebastian said quietly, obviously struggling with sorting through things that had brought him so much comfort over the past few years.

"Do you want any of these letters?" Nick asked, leafing through them.

"Pass them here, there is _one_ I'd like to keep," Sebastian answered. He flicked through the letters quickly before he pulled one out, unfolding it properly in one hand as he tossed the others to the floor.

"Is that the one?" Nick asked quietly, gathering the abandoned papers and the other trinkets destined for the trash and moving to drop them into Sebastian's small waste bin.

"Yeah… He wrote this to me to apologise. There was one night… I went to a dance with him, at his school. We snuck off and made out in one of the classrooms. He wanted to have sex, pulled off my shirt even though I tried to get him to stop. Pulled a knife, started cutting me." Sebastian scoffed slightly. "He knew it would calm me down, that the endorphins make me sleepy."

"You don't have to talk about this, Sebastian," Nick murmured as he sat beside him again, reaching out to gently touch Sebastian's clothed wrist. There hadn't been cuts there since his suicide attempt but Sebastian still flinched away.

"I want to," he whispered, his voice little more than breath. "I think … I think that I need to."

Nick nodded, watching as Sebastian continued with the story.

"He didn't screw me… He heard someone in the corridor and obviously didn't want them to catch us. We didn't have anything to wrap the cuts in. He cauterised the deeper ones with his fucking lighter. I have _never_ been in more pain in my life. One of his friends had alerted the teachers to our absence and they found me shirtless, cursing into Jesse's shoulder as he tried to wipe up the rest of the blood.

"I ended up in the hospital that night, I was a mess. Jesse's attempts to cauterise the wounds did more damage and I was just in too much pain. They knocked me out, like they actually sedated me for twenty-four hours to put me out of my misery. Apparently my dad tried to punch Jesse in the waiting room when he found out what had happened. They started trying to get in between us after that…"

"But do you see what Blaine and I meant? If Jesse was capable of doing something like that, I dread to imagine what else he could have done to you," Nick murmured.

"I was in love with him though, Nick. And my mind was fucked up too. I couldn't see what he was doing to me – the _bad _that he was doing to me. He could have killed me and I probably still would have loved him," Sebastian replied brokenly.

Nick wrapped him in his arms then, pulling him close. "It's gonna be okay, Sebastian. You're gonna be okay."

"I'm so glad you're here, Nick," Sebastian said as he returned the embrace, falling further into Nick as he wrapped his arms around the angel's waist.

Things were going to get better.

They already were.

.

.

**A/N: I'm really really sorry about that. Next chapter probably won't be happy either but stuff starts happening and then the chapter after is kind of happy (I say kind of because the emotion I'll be expressing isn't "happy" as much as "dreadfully in love and trying to make my heart explode"). Thanks for reading and I hope you're having a wonderful day :) –Frankie xoxo**


	8. Chapter 7: Cemeteries of London

Rating: M

Characters: Sebastian Smythe, Nick, Blaine Anderson, OMC

Warnings: Mentions of past abuse, swearing, talk of depression and suicide

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, places or song titles used in this fic.

.

**CHAPTER 7: CEMETERIES OF LONDON**

Sebastian decided he would go to the cemetery next weekend, after the winter break had started. It would be cold and bitter but he could deal with it. He was slowly starting to agree with Nick and Blaine, to see how wrong he'd been about Jesse. But he still loved him. He was worried that maybe he always would and that scared him. If he could love a psychopath who had left him scarred in every way possible, how could he love one of the purest things in the world?

The week dragged on, despite classes winding down or not happening at all. Sebastian had gone to Warblers practice, apologising again for what had happened and they had messed around for a while, seeing no point in starting to practice something new before everyone went home for the holidays. The borders were all packing up and getting into the Christmas spirit, excited to see their families again.

Sebastian's Friday night was spent curled up in bed and on the phone to Nick.

"So you're ready for tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"We don't have to stay long – take your time with it."

"I know – I will," Sebastian answered before he turned onto his back and stared at the ceiling. "I was looking at the scars today, the ones from the burns."

"Yeah?"

"I just can't get my head around it that he was the one who did that to me. Part of my mind is saying that he did, that the facts are right in front of me and that I should believe it. But the other part of me is just screaming that he loved me and that I shouldn't let him go."

"The human mind is a confusing thing," Nick mused.

"And what? The angel mind isn't?" Sebastian asked, laughing quietly.

"Not quite to the same extent… I don't have as much free will as you do, remember? I'm on orders being down here with you. I didn't just randomly decide to start following you around and looking after you. I was forced down here."

"But you want to be here, don't you?"

"No, I want to be _there_," Sebastian could hear the smile in his voice. "I wanna be with you."

"Then come over, I'll open my window and you can climb up."

"Not tonight, Seb, you need your sleep."

"Please…"

Nick hummed into the phone, the sound reminiscent of phone conversations with Blaine. "What are your parents doing tomorrow night?"

"They'll be here, why?" Sebastian asked, excitement rising within him.

"Well, I'm home alone tomorrow. Do you maybe want to come over here for the night?"

Sebastian grinned. "Sure!"

"Maybe tell your parents that some of the other guys are coming too, just to keep their suspicions down."

"You're so tangled up in getting caught," Sebastian giggled.

"Oh shut up."

"What? I think it's adorable."

"Go to sleep, Smythe."

"You go to sleep."

"Night Sebastian."

"Love you."

"Love you too," Nick hung up.

Sebastian held his phone to his chest, trying to take deep breaths but he was too excited. He turned into his pillow, laughing into it before he slowly fell asleep.

.

.

In the morning, Sebastian woke early, showering quickly and wrapping himself in the warmest clothes he had. The frost had been thick on his windows and his father's thermometer had indicated that it was freezing outside. He snuck downstairs, quickly throwing together a cheese sandwich before he headed outside to wait for Nick.

It was just on 8:30 and before Sebastian could start to freeze, Nick pulled up in his small little car. Blaine was waving from the back seat and Sebastian laughed softly as he folded himself into the front seat. Nick leaned over and kissed him.

"Morning, how are you?"

"I'm good, you?"

"We're fine. Cold enough for you?" Blaine answered as Nick started driving again.

"I'll survive. It's only gonna get worse," Sebastian laughed.

Blaine reached forward to rest a hand on Sebastian's shoulder, the taller boy turning around.

"I just wanted to say that I'm really amazed by you, Sebastian. You're being so brave today – all of this week from what Nick's been telling me. What Jesse did to you, that isn't a hard thing to come to terms with. But you're not alone, okay?"

Sebastian nodded before a question sparked in his mind. "Blaine … I know how you know about the cutting and the depression but – all this stuff with Jesse, talking about how he wasn't thinking right, how do you know about that?"

Blaine took a deep breath, leaning forward slightly. "My father is not a nice man but … his brother was even worse. My cousin, she was his perfect little girl, she could do no wrong. But when she turned thirteen or fourteen, he started … _hurting_ her. We could all see it but she couldn't. My dad was furious with his brother, tried everything to get him away from her but nothing worked because he'd conditioned her so well. She believed he was doing it because he loved her, or was trying to help her or something. It was so hard seeing her at family dinners and just seeing the defeated look in her eyes."

"What happened? Did he ever get caught or arrested or anything?"

"No, he's still at large on the world unfortunately. We've tried getting her to talk to the police a million times but she just can't do it. It's not as bad now though, she's at college in California now; I haven't seen her since last summer when I went to visit my brother."

Sebastian nodded. "So you've spent most of your life trying to help her?"

"Yeah. It's about the only thing dad and I can agree on."

Sebastian smiled reassuringly. "At least you've tried."

Blaine nodded and they lapsed into silence again.

When they arrived at the cemetery, Sebastian got out of the car, waiting for Blaine to clamber out from the back seat before he closed the door and started making his way up the hill.

"We'll wait for you here, okay?" Nick called out.

Sebastian stopped, glancing over his shoulder and nodding shakily before he buried his hands in his pockets and headed through the maze of gravestones towards Jesse's. He hadn't visited often but he knew the way there like the back of his hand.

On the top of the hill, Sebastian found the white headstone, approaching from behind it. He was surprised however to find a woman crouched before it. She looked up, and Sebastian felt a stab of guilt surge through him as he looked into green eyes that were too familiar.

"Sebastian? It's good to see you."

"Mrs Connors, I wouldn't have thought you'd be here so early."

"Came to say a final goodbye. Jonathan and I are moving away now that Brandon's at college," she straightened, dusting off her hands. "It's been so hard since he died – so many memories. We didn't dare uproot Brandon with all of his studies though."

"W-Where are you moving to?" Sebastian asked, trying to push down the anger and sense of abandonment he felt for the dead boy six feet below where Mrs Connors stood.

"Boston. Jonathan has family out there, it will be nice to have other people around for a change," Mrs Connors stepped around her son's gravestone and pulled Sebastian into a hug. "I'm so sorry for what Jesse did to you, Sebastian. We tried to help him, we really did. But there was no going back for him. I'm just so sorry that you got so caught up in it."

Sebastian returned the embrace. "I miss him so much," he whispered, his throat closing as the sobs welled in his chest.

"You have every right to," Mrs Connors replied as she pulled away. "You take care of yourself alright?"

"I will," Sebastian answered. "Good luck in Boston."

"Thank you, Sebastian. Goodbye, and good luck."

Sebastian watched as Mrs Connors retreated down the hill before he moved around the gravestone to sit in front of it. He stared at the epitaph, reading the information over and over before he started talking, not realising it.

"I miss you, Jesse. And that's fucked up. I shouldn't miss you, I shouldn't love you – I should hate you for what you did to me. But I can't, because you were my fucking everything and _you left me_. You _ruined_ my life, you screwed up my brain more than anything else ever could have and ever will. I'm a broken depressed piece of shit because you got some sick, deranged pleasure out of hurting me.

"I loved you and I gave you everything I had. I tried to save you and you fucking left me here to rot. And now you're parents are moving away and the only thing I fucking feel is obligation to tend to your stupid fucking headstone!" He pushed himself to his feet and staggered away from the headstone. There was a gust of cold wind and Sebastian summoned all the strength he had. "I'm not coming back, Jesse. I can't – I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry. But this time, it's really over."

There was another gust of wind and Sebastian turned to leave, only to find himself thrown back through the air into a tree. His head snapped against the tree trunk and stars danced in his eyes as he fell to the ground. There was an angry yell and someone yanked him to his feet by the front of his jacket. He couldn't see properly, there was a white light all around him though.

"Sebastian! Cover your eyes!"

He blindly obeyed the shouted order. He could hear a strange _whoosh_-sound and he fell to the ground again. He stayed there this time, before someone fell to their knees beside him and pushed him onto his back.

"Sebastian? Seb, are you okay?"

He carefully opened his eyes, the white light gone, to find Blaine kneeling over him. His friend looked worried but Sebastian's wondering was cut short by the throbbing pain in his head. He whimpered softly as he reached up to the back of his head, his fingers coming away wet with blood.

"Shit, you're bleeding," Blaine murmured, whipping off his scarf and bunching it up to press to Sebastian's head. With Blaine's help, Sebastian sat up, looking around blearily to find Nick standing a few feet in front of them while a strange man stood further down the hill. He had dark features but pale skin like Nick and was watching the angel with a fury Sebastian had never seen before.

"Get out of the way, Nicholas! You've broken the law! That boy is in no way protected anymore!"

"As long as I'm alive, he's protected," Nick spat back, his shoulders tensed and his body poised as if ready to attack.

"The boss isn't happy with you! You've fallen in love with your charge! Your judgement is impaired – they'll be here any day now to drag you back to Heaven and punish you for what you've done."

"Your threats mean nothing to me, Thomas. You never come through on them, why should I believe you now?"

Thomas didn't reply for a few moments. "Mark my words Nicholas – they're coming for you. And when they do, no one will be around to give you mercy."

Thomas disappeared right before their eyes then. Nick turned back to his friends, rushing forward to check Sebastian's head and make sure he wasn't hurt any place else.

"I think you have some explaining to do, Nick," Blaine murmured.

Nick sighed and nodded. "We'll go back to my place. I'll take care of Sebastian's head there."

Sebastian wasn't sure what had just happened but if it was anything like what he thought, they were in trouble now.

.

**A/N: Just a note, the Mrs Connors in this is not the same Mrs Connors as in "Wet Sleeves and a Conversation". I hadn't thought of that when I gave Jesse a last name the other day.**

**But yes, the boys are in trouble now. I'm gonna take a break tonight to chill out but I should have the next instalment to you soon (probably sooner than I'm making it out to be, I can never keep promises like this.) Thanks for reading –Frankie xoxo**


	9. Chapter 8: Yes

Rating: T

Characters: Sebastian Smythe, Nick, Blaine Anderson, OMC

Warnings: None :)

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, places or song titles used in this fic.

.

**CHAPTER 8: YES**

Sebastian and Blaine were surprised when Nick pulled up outside a small apartment building. He and Blaine had to help Sebastian up the stairs, his vision still not cleared from the knock to his head. Nick unlocked the door and Blaine helped Sebastian over to the couch. The apartment was small, only one room with the small bathroom curtained off in one of the corners. The bed was unmade and an old television set sat beside it.

"I thought you had brothers," Blaine said as he looked around the apartment.

"I'll tend to Sebastian's head and then I'll explain everything, okay?" Nick answered as he locked the door and pulled the blinds down on the windows.

"Nick, who was that guy? What was he talking about?"

"Blaine, just wait for a second okay."

Blaine went to keep asking questions but he felt Sebastian tug on his sleeve. The Warbler looked sad and scared; pitiful with the scarf pressed to the back of his head. Blaine sighed and sat down beside Sebastian, taking the scarf away and pushing aside his hair to inspect the wound.

"How is it?" Nick asked from behind the bathroom curtain where he was running some water.

"I think it's stopped bleeding. Lots of dried blood through his hair though."

"Probably concussed, too," Nick murmured as he returned with a bowl of steaming water and a washcloth. "I can heal it but we'll still have to get the blood out."

"Okay," Blaine answered. "What do you want me to do?"

Nick passed him the bowl of water before he rolled up his jacket sleeves. "Hold onto that for me. This won't take long." Nick sunk to his knees and took Sebastian's hand. "Seb, I'm gonna fix your head alright? It might hurt a little but you should feel better once I'm done. Then I'll explain everything, I promise."

Sebastian nodded feebly, struggling to sit up straight. Nick reached out with his free hand and gently laid it over Sebastian's forehead before he began murmuring a prayer. It was the same prayer he had used to close Sebastian's wound the night of his suicide attempt but it was harder this time. He kept repeating the prayer until he felt Sebastian relax and lean back into the couch.

As Nick sat back to let the magic flow away from his body, Blaine checked the wound in Sebastian's head again.

"It's gone. Totally gone. If the blood wasn't in his hair and all over my scarf you'd never know there'd been something there."

Nick nodded shakily, taking deep breaths. "Wash out as much of the blood as you can, I just need a minute."

Blaine set to work, carefully dipping the washcloth into the water and dabbing at the blood in Sebastian's hair. The taller boy seemed totally relaxed, bringing his legs up to curl in on himself.

"Don't fall asleep, Seb, you've gotta stay with us, buddy," Blaine kept murmuring. When he was sure he'd cleared away all of the blood, he put the bowl down on the floor beside his feet before he looked back to Nick. "You alright?"

"Yeah," Nick said as he ran a hand through his hair and pulled himself to sit on Sebastian's other side. Sebastian carefully turned himself around and rested his head in Nick's lap, scrunched up between his two friends.

"What can you tell us, Nick?" Blaine asked, leaning his elbow on the back of the couch.

"Well, first, to catch you up. I'm an angel – like, Angel of the Lord angel. I was sent down here to look after Sebastian, to help him move through the depression – but I've kind of broken my orders."

"Broken them how?" Blaine asked. Nick only had to start stroking Sebastian's hair for Blaine to understand.

"I got to know him and it was just like … the world made sense, and everything felt right. I knew I was doing wrong by falling for him but I thought maybe that would make protecting and helping him easier," Nick shrugged. "I guess I'll find out in due course whether I was right or not."

"And what about that guy in the graveyard? Who was he?"

"He was an angel, Thomas, another guardian. He tends to supervise the angels who've been sent down to Earth rather than actually guard people."

"Why did he try to hurt Seb?"

"He knows too much. And I guess in Thomas' mind, killing Sebastian would be the easiest way to get me back to Heaven without any huge problems."

"Apart from explaining Sebastian's death."

"That would be up to the police. The angels might have even crafted it to look like Sebastian was going to Jesse's grave to say goodbye before committing suicide or something. Angels are opportunists – strike at the right moment to get the desired result as quickly and easily as possible."

"And what about the supposed brothers and family?"

"Cover story. Technically I do have brothers – and sisters – just that they're angels, not humans," Nick gestured to the apartment. "This is a safe house for angels, for us to use when we come down to Earth for extended periods."

Blaine nodded before he looked to Sebastian and smiled. "Poor guy's fallen asleep." The reasoning kicked in then and Blaine looked back to Nick with panic in his eyes. "Didn't he have a concussion? What if he doesn't wake up?"

"Breathe Blaine, he'll be fine. I can feel his life force, he's fine," Nick answered as he watched his boyfriend. "He could use the sleep; he's had a long few weeks."

"Do you want me to stay? I can go if you two want some time together. I guess you have a lot to talk about if the angels _are_ going to come and find you."

"He'll be out for a while… If I give you my car keys, do you reckon you could go grab some lunch? Just something cheap and easy to eat?"

"Sure, I don't have much cash though, like, five bucks or so."

"That's okay, top drawer of the dresser by the bed, take out whatever you need."

Blaine nodded slowly, getting up and crossing to the dresser. The look of surprise on his face as he opened the drawer was amusing to Nick.

"The powers that be tend to make sure we have money," Nick laughed before he fished his keys from his pocket, trying not to jostle Sebastian as he handed them to Blaine.

"I'll be back soon with lunch then," Blaine answered before he disappeared through the front door.

Nick returned his gaze to Sebastian, all of his fears hitting him at once. Thomas always had been full of it but Thomas had never gone to Earth to hurt someone before. He slipped a hand around Sebastian's waist, stroking a thumb over his hoodie.

"They're not gonna take you from me, I promise," Nick whispered. "Everything's going to be fine."

Nick was shocked from his pondering when Sebastian's phone started ringing. Nick carefully pulled it from his boyfriend's pocket, not wanting to wake Sebastian. He went to ignore the call but seeing the screen flashing "Dad", Nick answered it instead.

"Sebastian! Where are you? Are you alright?"

"Mr Smythe, it's Nick. Sebastian's okay, he's just asleep," Nick said quickly.

"Oh god… Thank you, thank you Nick. That silly son of mine didn't tell us where he was going or that he was going to be leaving so damn early. But he's okay? Where are you?"

"We're at my place, just been watching TV but he fell asleep."

"Do you know when he's going to be heading home?"

"He really hasn't been talking to you. We're going over to Jeff's for a movie night, staying over," Nick answered as he remembered the promise he'd made Sebastian on the phone the night before.

"Oh, okay. Can you get him to call us later? Just need to talk to him about a few things."

"I'll make sure he does. Sorry Mr Smythe."

"Don't worry, Nick, it's not your fault. Have a good night."

"You too," Nick hung up and just as he settled down again, Blaine burst through the front door with lunch, waking Sebastian.

"I come bearing gifts of nourishment," Blaine proclaimed with a grin and all of Nick's worries suddenly disappeared.

.

.

After lunch, Blaine went home and Nick and Sebastian were alone. The short sleep had done Sebastian good and they spent the rest of the afternoon talking about what to do if the angels took Nick back to Heaven.

"_I will fight as hard as I can to stop them from taking me but, if they do, I don't want you to wander around missing me, okay?"_

"_But I will miss you."_

"_I know but … I don't want it to keep you from being happy, okay? Who knows? Maybe I'm actually the wrong guy for you, maybe there's another totally perfect, wonderful man out there looking for someone exactly like you. And if there is, I want you to be able to find him and be happy with him. I don't want you to spend your life wishing for me."_

They were on the couch now, watching "The Wizard of Oz" on the old television. Nick was tucked into Sebastian's side with the boy's arms wound around his waist. As Dorothy fell asleep in the field of poppies, Nick felt Sebastian's lips press against his neck and his hand move to rest on his hip.

"Sebastian, what are you doing?" Nick asked, laughing softly.

"What do you think I'm doing?" Sebastian whispered between kisses, trailing them down to Nick's collarbone.

Nick turned onto his back, Sebastian slipping his hand out from under him and moving on top of him. His mouth met Nick's, his breath hot and the weight of his body teasing as Nick kissed him back. Hands tangled in hair and hips ground together before Nick pushed Sebastian away and gasped for air.

"What? Don't you want this?" Sebastian asked, confused.

Nick climbed out from under his boyfriend, stepping away from the couch. "I don't want to do this and then have to leave. I don't want you to have to suffer through that. Sex complicates everything; I don't want to complicate this when we don't know what's going to happen."

Sebastian sat up, smiling at Nick. "Babe, if everyone said that whenever the opportunity to have sex came around, the human race would have died out long ago."

"Aren't you scared?"

"Of course I am," Sebastian got to his feet to pull Nick against him. "But fear isn't going to rule me anymore."

"Then what is?"

Sebastian smiled. "Love," he whispered before he leaned in and kissed Nick again.

.

.

**A/N: And there's that :) I'm not 100% sure how to get from here to the next part so if I don't update for a while (or longer than usual) don't be worried, I'm just thinking. I hope you liked this and thank you for reading –Frankie xoxo**


	10. Chapter 9: Death And All His Friends

Rating: PG

Characters: Sebastian Smythe, Nick, OMC, OFC

Warnings: None :)

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, place or song titles used in this fic.

.

**CHAPTER 9: DEATH AND ALL HIS FRIENDS**

Nick had expected to feel different after sleeping with Sebastian but not like this. The next morning, he'd woken tucked into his boyfriend's side with Sebastian's scarred arms wrapped tightly around him. He'd felt blissful and content before he felt the sinking feeling in his chest.

The angels were coming.

He didn't tell Sebastian, he didn't want to ruin what had been a near perfect weekend. He dozed beside him until Sebastian woke and showered him with kisses. Nick liked the feeling of Sebastian's skin against his, appreciated the ease with which Sebastian let his scars out in the open for the first time in their short albeit deep friendship. He found himself savouring the way it felt to hold Sebastian close and memorising the way his muscles rippled beneath the soft skin. He didn't want to forget.

It was the day before Christmas Eve. It had snowed overnight and Nick had finally decided it was time to tell Sebastian. The pain in his chest was growing worse each day and he knew it wouldn't be long before the pain took him over completely.

Nick sent a text message to Sebastian, not quite capable of talking as he adjusted to the new level of pain.

**To: Seb**

**Hey hun. Hope you're OK. Can I come over? I need to talk to you about something.**

He pressed "Send" and curled up on his side, staring at the picture of Sebastian's smiling face he had as his background until it was replaced with a reply.

_**Sure. Is everything okay?**_

**To: Seb**

**No… But don't panic, I'll explain everything when I get there. Just try to relax. I love you.**

There wasn't as long a wait before a reply.

_**Okay… I love you too xoxo**_

Nick sighed, worrying his lower lip between his teeth before he slowly pulled himself out of bed. He got dressed and brushed his teeth before he headed out into the cold and drove over to the Smythes. The pain tended to come in waves and a fresh one hit as he went to get out of the car. Through tears – the first tears he'd shed since the pain started – he saw Mr and Mrs Smythe in the living room through the window, putting together an artificial Christmas Tree.

Nick desperately wished he didn't have to go into that house. He didn't want to have to break Sebastian's heart. He wanted to stay so that he could hold him and kiss him and be with him forever. He took a deep breath and pulled himself out of his car, slamming the door behind him and trudging through the snow to the front door.

As he raised a fist to knock, the door opened, Sebastian standing there with a worried expression on his face.

"Hey," Nick said shyly.

"Are you okay? What's wrong?"

"C-Can we talk in your room? Please?" Nick couldn't bear to cry in front of Sebastian's parents.

"Of course," Sebastian stepped aside, watching as Nick wiped his boots on the welcome mat and pulled off his heavy coat. The grimace of pain did not go unnoticed. "Nick, is everything okay?"

"No," Nick murmured before he started up the stairs. When he reached Sebastian's room, he had an arm firmly wrapped around his stomach even though it didn't help the burning in his lungs. It was progressing faster than it should have.

Nick staggered over to the bed, sinking down onto the mattress. He heard Sebastian close the door before he felt his boyfriend's hands on his shoulders.

"Nick, talk to me. What's wrong? Are you hurt?"

"It's progressing – faster – than it should," Nick gasped out, his eyes shut tight as he tried to make it through the pain.

"What's progressing faster? Nick, I'm worried. Do we need to go to the hospital? Did Thomas come back and hurt you?" Sebastian was kneeling in front of him, taking the hand that wasn't clutching Nick's side. "Talk to me."

"Th-They're coming for me… I don't know when. Soon…" Nick's breath hitched, strengthening the pain and he doubled over as he began to cry. He felt Sebastian's arms wrap around his neck and pulled him down into his lap. He let himself fall against Sebastian as he cried, knowing he was safe in the boy's arms.

"It's gonna be okay, Nick. Everything will be fine," Sebastian murmured as he rubbed Nick's back. He thought he'd seen misery in the psychiatric ward but as Nick hugged him back weakly and his breath hitched, Sebastian knew there was nothing worse than an Angel of Heaven weeping.

When Nick calmed down, he slowly pulled away, still clutching his side. Sebastian moved to pull his hand away and lifted his shirt but there was nothing there. Sebastian turned his green eyes back to Nick and reached up to wipe the tears from his face.

"Tell me what happened," Sebastian murmured.

"The morning after … after we had sex. I woke up and I knew, the pain was there. I didn't want to say anything – didn't want you to worry."

Sebastian nodded his understanding. "But what does it mean now that you're doubling over in pain?"

Nick managed a shrug. "That they're coming for me sooner than anticipated, I suppose. Or that they're trying to keep me away from you."

Sebastian nodded and sat back, trying to think of what he could do to help his Guardian Angel.

"I have to go back, Sebastian. I don't think I have a choice anymore."

"Then I'll come with you."

"You won't be able to stay with me."

"Then tell them you're going to become human. Angels can do that, right? They can fall or whatever."

"It isn't that simple, Seb. For an Angel to become human they have to garner permission from the Angels in their order. There are almost a thousand Angels in my order."

"Can you take out your grace? Like the girl in Supernatural did?"

"That's a television show, Seb. It's not real," he shook his head. "It's over… I have to go back."

"I'm coming with you; you're not getting rid of me that easily. We have to try," Sebastian moved forward to hold Nick's face in his hands as he stared deep into his eyes. "I love you. I loved you from the moment I saw you. I'm not giving up on you and I'm not going to let you give up on yourself either."

"They could kill you, Sebastian…"

"That's a risk I'm willing to take," Sebastian leaned in to kiss Nick gently. "I love you, Nick."

"I love you too," Nick whispered before he kissed Sebastian again. "We should leave if we're going to do this."

Sebastian nodded before he stood, reaching down to pull Nick to his feet and steadied him as the pain made him waver on his feet. Sebastian grabbed his jacket and phone and they made their way back downstairs where Annabelle and Marcus were waiting with arms folded across their chests.

"Where are you going, Sebastian?" Marcus asked, watching his son with a stern expression.

"Nick needs a hand with some things. I'll be back for dinner," Sebastian answered as he pulled his scarf around his neck. He didn't actually know when he would be back, he hoped he could keep his promise.

"Sebastian, we've barely seen you since the break started. It's Christmas, you should be home with your family, and so should Nick."

"We're going Christmas shopping," Nick said quickly. "I haven't had a chance to pick up presents for my parents yet. I'm sorry to steal Sebastian away but this'll be my last chance."

Marcus and Annabelle looked to each other and then back to their son.

"Back by dinner or you're grounded for the rest of the break. No phone, no going out."

"Yes dad," Sebastian said before he quickly hugged his parents. It struck him that he might not come home at all. He'd rather come back late than not at all.

"Have fun," Annabelle said as she watched the boys head out into the cold.

"I'm worried about him," Marcus murmured. "Something doesn't feel right."

.

.

Nick drove Sebastian to the park where they had had their picnic back in October. They stood in the middle of the snow covered grass patch where they'd eaten sandwiches and Nick took Sebastian's hands in his own.

"Just try and keep relaxed. It won't hurt but it isn't pleasant. When we get there, wait for me to find you. I won't be too far off but we can't risk you being caught or killed." Nick explained this all with an odd kind of sincerity, tainted by a bitterness Sebastian had not experienced with him before.

Nick closed his eyes and Sebastian did the same, listening as his angel muttered the words that he supposed would take them to Heaven.

Sebastian suddenly realised he had never been more afraid in his entire life.

.

.

**A/N: I don't have much to say for this chapter. I've reworked the ending of the fic a little bit. I'm really excited to finish this and see what you think but I know I'm gonna be sad when it's over. It's been a quick write but I've enjoyed it :) I'd forgotten how wonderful it is to put your art out into the world and have people tell you they enjoy it and that they can't wait for more. So thank you to my lovely reviewers and thank you to the readers who raise that view count and make me feel like this is all worth it. I really can't thank you enough –Frankie xoxo**


	11. Chapter 10: Lovers in Japan

Rating: PG

Characters: Sebastian Smythe, Nick, OCs

Warnings: Brief violence

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, places or song titles used in this fic.

.

**CHAPTER 10: LOVERS IN JAPAN/REIGN OF LOVE**

Sebastian woke to a cool breeze and the sun shining in his eyes. He turned onto his back and looked around, seeing nothing but clear skies and grassy fields stretching for miles in every direction. He stood up and glanced around again before he saw a dark-headed figure running towards him. There was nowhere to hide so he stood his ground, prepared to fight if need be. The figure got closer and closer before Sebastian realised it was only Nick and he relaxed.

Too soon.

A mob of white figures descended upon the couple from out of nowhere. Sebastian yelled Nick's name, struggling against the hands that grabbed him and pulled him away. A gag stuffed in his mouth and tied at the back of his head. Nick was watching on in horror, not having anticipated the Angels being ready to capture him. Sebastian tried to cry out against the gag but it only made him retch.

The Angels pulled him along, making sure he was kept well away from Nick and soon, Sebastian learned they had been led to a citadel. It was made of what looked to be white marble and more Angels stood at every parapet and balcony, watching the new prisoners being dragged in.

They were not taken to a dungeon. Instead, Sebastian soon found himself forced to his knees on the stone floor of a humongous hall, once again filled with Angels. They all wore white and most had black or dark brown hair. As Sebastian glanced around, his mind mistook three of the onlookers for Nick, even though he knew his Guardian Angel was kneeling a few feet away. Just out of reach.

The gag was pulled from his mouth and used instead to tie his hands before the Angels finally let go of him. Sebastian's gaze then turned to the tall Angel sitting on a throne in front of him. He was dressed in a white suit and had long black hair, pushed back out of his face. He was watching Sebastian sternly before the boy turned his gaze to the floor.

"Why have you brought _him_ here, Nicholas?"

"I tried to stop him-"

"Why is he here?" The question was more forceful and Sebastian looked to Nick pleadingly. He didn't want to have to watch the love of his life die.

Nick was watching Sebastian with a strange finality as he answered. "We came here to ask the order to turn me human. So that I could carry out my orders properly."

"And your orders were?"

"To protect Sebastian Smythe and to aid his recovery from depression and self-injury."

"Have you succeeded in those orders?"

"For the time being."

"What does that mean, Nicholas?"

"Other things came up during the process, things I had not been informed of before leaving to complete my orders."

"And how did these things affect your ability to complete your orders?"

"I just don't feel that the task I set out to accomplish is one that can be achieved in such a short space of time," Nick took a deep breath and looked back to the Angel on the throne. "In the short time I've spent with Sebastian I have learned that depression and self-harm are all-consuming. Getting better doesn't simply constitute deciding to be happy or taking medication or talking to someone. It takes tremendous courage and self-discipline. And while Sebastian is doing well now, I know he could use more support."

The Angel hummed softly. "So you wish to remain on Earth, to sacrifice all of your powers and your immortality to simply carry out orders?"

"Yes," Nick said without a second's thought. He was staring straight at the Angel on the throne, as if they were the only two in the room.

"You may think you are hiding it well but I can see the dishonesty in your eyes, Nicholas," the angel got to his feet, stepping down to stand before them as he clasped his hands behind his back. "Tell me the truth, or any requests you make from here on out will be null and void."

"I want to help him. I don't care about my immortality. I'm a Guardian Angel because I wanted to help people."

"But you haven't helped him, have you?"

"I hope I have but there is no way for me to truly know. I can't read his mind."

"Then why don't we ask him," the Angel turned to Sebastian and he felt himself shiver with fear. He saw the Angel gesture to his cohorts and Sebastian could feel their presence behind him, heard one cracking his knuckles.

"Do you feel that Nicholas has helped you, Sebastian?"

"Yes," he said quietly. He felt small and insignificant.

"Do you still hurt yourself?"

"No."

"Do you still feel depressed?"

"No."

"Then there is no need for Nicholas to stay with you-"

"You can't take him from me! I need him!" Sebastian yelled before he could think. He tried to move forward, forgetting that his hands were tied. One of the Angel guards grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him back. Grip was lost and Sebastian fell to the floor. The Angel with the swept-back hair appeared in his vision and muffled cries came from Nick's direction.

"And why do you need him?" the Angel sneered.

"Because he saved me," Sebastian whispered as tears sprang to his eyes. "He stopped me when I tried to kill myself. He helped me let go of my … my _abusive ex-boyfriend_. He taught me how to love."

The Angel grinned a sickening smile then as he turned to the rest of the spectators. "He taught him how to love. Nicky taught the little human to love," he looked to Nick then. "Sounds to me as if you've been breaking orders then."

"I didn't mean to fall in love with him!" Sebastian cried.

"Shut up, Sebastian," Nick said tensely.

"Oh, maybe he's not in love. I've never seen you so snaky, Nicholas," the Angel gestured to the guards around Sebastian again. One of them pulled Sebastian back onto his knees while the other curled a fist and pulled it back, ready to strike. "You'd better start telling the truth, Nicholas. We'd hate to make a mess."

Nick looked to Sebastian fearfully. He swallowed before he looked up at the Angel. "It's true… I'm in love with him."

Laughter echoed around the room and Sebastian felt shy as he watched his boyfriend.

"I'm in love with him, and that's why he's alive. That's why he's still here. I loved him and that helped me save him," Nick looked back to Sebastian one more time. "I love you, Seb."

The Angel flicked his hand and a fist collided with Sebastian's stomach. He heard himself gasp and he lurched forward. Nick yelled angrily but it didn't help anything. No one touched Sebastian again and he wasn't brave enough to sit up again in case it earned him another punch.

"Guardian Angel Nicholas, you are hereby cleared of all duties until further notice. You will also be punished for breaking the laws of our order and falling in love with a human." The Angel turned away, back towards his throne. "The human in question, Sebastian Smythe, is hereby sentenced to death for setting foot on Heaven's hallowed grounds."

"That's not fair! You dragged us here! You can't kill him for what he was forced to do!" Nick yelled. A hand cracked against his cheek and he was left sprawled out on the floor. Sebastian watched fearfully but no one moved towards Nick or him. Struggling, he shuffled over to his boyfriend on his knees, nudging Nick gently but the Angel made no sign of moving. Sebastian turned to glare at the Angel before he heard hurried footsteps.

"Who gave you the right to kill the innocent?! This boy has done no wrong! Neither has Nicholas! They wish to leave peacefully together on Earth – as mortals. There is nothing wrong with that!" A man yelled. Sebastian didn't turn to see who it was, only interested in what they had to say. The smallest part of him started hoping that maybe this man, whoever he was, would be able to sway the Angel's heart.

"They know too much!"

"Who would believe them? And if you are so concerned, wipe their memories of this place. But they do not deserve to be punished for one of the most natural things this world contains."

The Angel was on his throne again. "So the traitor should live, hmm? What do your brothers and sisters think of that?"

Sebastian looked up now, Nick still not moving. The Angels looked scared and he honestly couldn't blame them. Their leader was horrible.

"Raise your hand if you believe the traitor and his pet should be allowed to live."

One hand shot straight up, the body belonging to it turning around where it stood before slowly, the other Angels began to raise their hands as well.

Soon, every Angel in the room had a hand in the air except for the order's leader, Nick and the guards standing around Sebastian. He looked back towards the throne but his view was obscured by a bright light that encircled him and Nick. They were pulled up into the air by the magic but Sebastian didn't see what happened. His vision went dark as Nick's name died on his lips.

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**A/N: This was originally going to be two chapters but I changed my mind because it would have been a little ridiculous. I'm probably just going to keep working through the night until this fic is done or close to it. My anxiety's playing up and sleep just seems impossible.**

**Also, if you have any questions about this verse or if there's something you want me to explore, don't be afraid to ask. I'm going to be looking for inspiration once this is finished so please let me know if there's anything you want to see (aside from sex, that's the only thing I won't write).**

**Hope you enjoyed it and thanks for reading –Frankie xoxo**


	12. Chapter 11: Viva La Vida

Rating: PG

Characters: Sebastian Smythe, Nick, OCs, Blaine Anderson

Warnings: Thoughts of self-harm.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the places, characters or song titles used in this fic.

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**CHAPTER 11: VIVA LA VIDA**

Sebastian was in a haze when he woke. Everything seemed strange and he felt weak. Someone was always holding his hand or whispering to him as he drifted in and out of sleep before he finally came to. His mother was leaning over him, seated on the edge of the bed, while his father stood at his other side and watched on worriedly.

"Mom? What – where am I?" he tried to look around but his head was throbbing.

"It's alright, darling, you're safe," Annabelle crooned as she stroked Sebastian's hair.

"You're in the hospital, bud," Marcus added. "A couple walking their dog found you unconscious in the park last night, called the ambulance. You had a touch of hypothermia."

Sebastian nodded tiredly before he managed to get a better look around the room. His bed was curtained off from the rest of the room and only his parents were with him. He wondered how long he'd been out. It can't have been too long if he only "had a touch of hypothermia".

"Are you alright, Sebastian?"

"I just – where's Nick? Was he okay?"

Annabelle shook her head slowly. "We haven't seen him, honey. Not since you two left in such a hurry yesterday afternoon. We thought maybe you two had had a fight or something."

Sebastian didn't say anything, too worried to think. His parents didn't push him any further, settling in the chairs beside his bed and letting him drift back to sleep. His dreams were full of Nick, wondering where his Guardian Angel had gone.

When he woke again, the doctors were doing their rounds. As they crowded around his bed, one was checking his vital signs while another rattled off the diagnosis and treatment.

"So how are you feeling, Sebastian?"

"Fine. A little tired but that's it," he answered, hoping he would be let off and allowed to go home.

"Well you're temperature's back to normal and your vitals look good so I think we can make a start on getting you home in time for Christmas," the young doctor said with a smile. "I'll ask the nurses to organise discharge papers and you can leave as soon as they're signed and the IV's out."

Sebastian nodded his thanks before the gaggle of white coats disappeared again. Annabelle went to sign the paperwork while a nurse took out the IV and Marcus helped Sebastian into some sweatpants and a hoodie.

"Oh yes, Blaine called your phone before. We let it ring out," Marcus said all of a sudden as he and Sebastian waited for Annabelle to return. He fished his son's phone from his pocket and handed it to Sebastian.

Blaine had left a voicemail message and sent him three texts.

_**Are you and Nick ok?**_

_**Seb, why aren't you answering? Is something wrong?**_

_**Call me!**_

"Uh, I think I need to call Blaine. Can you give me a minute?" Sebastian asked as he started tapping out Blaine's number.

"Sure son, I'll wait out in the hall," Marcus answered. He clapped Sebastian on the shoulder as he walked past while Sebastian hit the "call" button.

Blaine answered on the second ring.

"Sebastian! Are you okay?! What happened? Where's Nick?"

"N-Nick's gone… He's gone, Blaine…" Sebastian took a deep shuddering breath as he glanced around the hospital room. "We went to Heaven and they – they tried to kill us. But someone saved us and there was this light but I blacked out. I woke up in the hospital, I've just been discharged but … Nick's gone."

"D-Do you want me to come over?"

"No, I don't think my mom would be too happy about that."

"I don't think you should be alone tonight, Seb."

"He only just left and I'm not gonna off myself on Christmas."

"Not because of that… When Kurt and I were having our troubles at the start of the year, all I wanted was for someone to talk to. Not necessarily about what had happened but just to be there and to remind me that I wasn't alone."

"It's Christmas Eve, what about your parents?"

"Do you really think that my parents are here? Really?"

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Look, ask your parents if I can come over, tell them that I'm home alone for Christmas. They won't have a bar of it. I'll meet you at your place."

"O-Okay. I'll let you know what they say."

"Okay. See ya, Seb." Blaine clicked off.

Sebastian sighed softly before he headed out into the corridor where his parents were waiting patiently.

"Everything alright with Blaine?" Marcus asked as they began heading down the corridor.

"Uh, kinda… It's just, his parents are gone and he was wondering if he could come over tonight. Y'know, so he wasn't alone on Christmas?" Sebastian was much better at being direct than dancing around the subject.

"Oh that poor boy! Of course he can come around! Do we need to pick him up?" Annabelle asked.

"No, he said he'd be right to drive."

"Okay, well we should be home in half an hour, he can meet us there any time after that."

Sebastian nodded and texted the details to Blaine as they stepped into the elevator and headed down to the ground floor and out to the car.

"The scars were looking good, bud," Marcus murmured as they climbed into his black SUV.

"Yeah, it's not been so bad lately."

"That's good to hear," Annabelle said as she shot a smile at her son over her shoulder.

The drive home was quiet and Blaine wasn't there when they arrived. Sebastian headed straight upstairs, not feeling much like making small talk with his parents. He whipped off the hoodie, exchanging it for a singlet before he lay down on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He didn't know what to do with himself. What are you supposed to do when the person you love more than anything leaves you? He felt he should know the answer to that question.

Sebastian sat up again after a while, looking around the room with tired eyes.

_Maybe a cut to take the edge off, keep me occupied while I wait_.

"Stupid brain," Sebastian murmured to himself. He wasn't going to let Nick's legacy die so quickly. He had to fight. He had to be strong. His mind tried to reason with him again but its contention was cut short when someone knocked on his door.

"Come in!" he called, his heart beating faster at the idea that it could be, might be, probably wasn't Nick.

Blaine slipped inside, closing the door again before he turned to look at Sebastian sadly.

"I'm really sorry about Nick," he murmured.

"I don't wanna talk about it, Blaine."

"Are you doing okay though? You're feeling okay?"

"I said I don't wanna talk about it," Sebastian said more forcefully, lying down again.

Blaine fell silent, not knowing what to say. They stayed like that for a while until there was another knock on the door, Annabelle poking her head inside.

"Do you two want to come and have something to eat? We're just having leftovers."

"Sure," Blaine answered as he stood, watching as Sebastian got to his feet. He couldn't help but let his eyes wander to the scars marring Sebastian's bare arms.

Sebastian headed downstairs before Blaine, keeping his gaze on the floor as he headed into the kitchen but he stopped when another pair of feet came into his line of sight. It wasn't his dad or his mom and as he let his gaze travel upwards, he felt his heart begin to race before green eyes met brown.

"Hey Seb."

"… I thought you were gone."

"I made a promise."

Sebastian threw his arms around the body that fit perfectly into his, breathing in the scent that kept a smile on his face. He pulled away just enough to turn and kiss those feather soft lips. There was something different about it, a strange kind of fragility that he found more comforting than worrying.

"I'm so glad I found you."

"I am too."

Sebastian reached up to push the dark hair away. "I love you."

"I love you too."

Sebastian was home. He was safe. He was alive. He was mortal.

But now, so was Nick.

And that was all Sebastian could ask for.

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**A/N: I've still got the epilogue to go but that's the end of that. I can't believe I've written this much so quickly. I kind of hate that I wrote it so quickly but I had to get it out of my system before it ate me alive. I hope you enjoyed this and I'll get the epilogue to you as soon as possible :) –Frankie xoxo**


	13. Epilogue: The Escapist

Rating: K

Characters: Sebastian Smythe, Nick

Warnings: None

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, places or song titles used in this fic.

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**EPILOGUE: THE ESCAPIST**

_6 months later…_

Sebastian walked hands in pockets through the halls of Dalton Academy. He would hate having to leave this place but he knew it was what had to happen. He walked past the classrooms and where he had met Nick for the first time. He sat on the stairs for a while, thinking about Blaine before he finally made his way to his final destination.

The school chapel was not somewhere he had spent a great deal of his time. He had avoided it for a long time, feeling that he held too much anger and hate in his heart to be welcome there. But there was something he needed to say.

He sat in one of the pews at the back, bowing his head as he tried to fathom his thoughts into coherent sentences.

_I just … I just really want to thank you for bringing me Nick. Or giving him to me, or whatever. I was angry for so long, because I felt the world was just against me. But when you led Nick to me, everything changed. I feel so much better with him around. I haven't cut in months and I have this bubbly excited feeling in my chest all the time. I know I'll never be fixed, that I'm stuck like this forever. But you gave me the next best thing to a cure. Nick is not only the love of my life, but he's my protector and my guiding light and my sense of hope. I would be so lost without him. So thank you – thank you for giving me another chance and for helping me. I could never tell you how truly grateful I am. Just, thank you._

"Seb, you okay?"

Sebastian opened his eyes, turning to face Nick with a smile. "I'm fine, just had something I needed to say," he answered as he stood and pulled Nick against him. "I'm really glad I've got you, have I told you that before?"

Nick laughed softly. "Yes, but you can say it again."

Sebastian kissed Nick softly. "I'm so glad I found you."

"I'm glad I found you too."

They had found each other and this time, they knew it would be forever. Because Sebastian wasn't giving up and Nick wasn't leaving. They had each other and that was enough eternity for them. They had a life to live together, and they were going to enjoy every second of it.

_The End_

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**A/N: So… What does one do when they no longer a WIP to work on through their insomnia? Hahaha I hope everyone's enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it :) I'm sad this is over. If anyone has questions or things from this verse they'd like me to write, feel free to chuck it in my ask and I'll see what I can do :) Have a wonderful day and thank you for reading my little contribution to the fandom –Frankie xoxo**


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